Lyrics for Further Adventures In Fresno

4th of July

 

Please come to the Nielsen's Fourth of July party-

they're having it right there on the 4th of July 

3 PM-what's the address on San Miguel now?

You should bring a towel, a swimsuit, fireworks, drinks, your favorite dish

and other barbecued foods 

We provide the barbecue, beans and hotdogs, lemonade, condiments, paper

items, basketball, volleyball, 

ping-pong, badminton, foosball, and swimming 

Fireworks at dusk bring a friend don't miss the fun 

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Incandescent

 

Turns into the ground again-

Everybody's going green it's about the coolest thing I've seen 

but there's something very troubling and I'll tell you what I mean

Now it shows the hippies were right and the force of grassroots political

might 

no one seems to be speaking out on the dangers of the florescent light

Now they're phasing out incandescence and that makes absolutely no sense 

for it's superior illumination invented right here in this great nation 

Now florescents make you feel conservationy but they're filled with

dangerous mercury 

most people just obliviously just throw them out in the trash 

but it won't go away the problem will stay leeching back into the waterway 

save a little now poisoning future days 

mercury's an element that never decays 

 

So give me incandescent 

I don't want compact florescent 

mercury's a poison I don't want to be around 

it's a neurological toxin spread through the air or through the skin 

but an incandescent lightbulb just returns into the ground again  

Turns into the ground again....

Thomas Edison was a brilliant man he invented the motion picture 

I think it be downright disgusted with what you're screwed into his fixture 

Now florecents use less electricity  

but they're filled with toxicsisity 

something we've got to figure out how to generate less of instead of more 

And another reason I'm a skeptic is they give you seizures if you're

epileptic  

the Edison bulb's superior and won't flick flick flick

won't flicker like a CFL 

They spew poisonous gases if you rupture one and if you do you'll rue the

day

If you break one on the carpet you're supposed to just cut the whole section

away 

Oh my Elmo! Don't use the vacuum you'll create an aerosolized spray

It's a hazardous product they sell as safe 

so the dangers they never even say 

So while you can eat an incandescent, if the stories from India are correct 

if you come into contact with Mercury here some of the things you might

expect

 

So don't believe the hype they're selling you 

though I'm usually lying this is sad but true 

It's an avoidable source of pollution 

Not some green energy solution

 

So give me incandescent I don't want compact florescent 

mercury's a poison I don't want to be around 

It's neurological toxin spread through the air or through the skin 

but incandescent lightbulb just returns into the ground again 

Turns into the ground again...

----------------------------------

 

 

Bee Bob

 

Bee Bob's got a boom truck 

all day his truck go boom 

boom boom boom, you can hear it in your living room 

like the distant sound of artillery 

as he fights for the rights of the honeybee 

zoom zoom zoom all day those bees go zoom 

But Bob's not normally noisy after he picks a place to park it 

shoom shoom shoom- sometimes his truck is shoom

You can find him Wednesdays and Saturdays at the Vineyard Farmers Market-in

Fresno 

bloom bloom bloom, all year the market 

Blooms in the Wintertime -blooms in the Summer- blooms in the Springtime and

 

Autumn ain't no drag it'll make your tail wag 

if you're committed to the culture of combating corporate agriculture

---------------------------------------------

The Birthday Defense

 

Hey it's your birthday and we wish you lots of luck 

we hope you go crazy go completely run amok 

You made it around the sun again without returning dead 

and now it's time to celebrate paint the whole town with the blood of your

enemies 

Because remember whatever happens on that day 

You could start shooting Monsanto for sport 

none of your actions in anyway could ever be held prosecutable in court 

Because your honor, it was his birthday, and I move the whole case be

dismissed 

Whatever transgression transpired that day my client is exempt from the law

I must insist 

We can't take these charges seriously, and if you do I promise to appeal 

The Supreme Court's stacked against you 

And the DA's office has shown an overreaching overarching prosecutorial zeal

 

Because your honor it was his birthday!

 

I'll move to have the whole jury be nullified 

They'll all see that it's unjust 

to have a law against murdering Monsanto

Why in the public interest it's a must

and you know, regardless of it being your birthday

and how that trumps all legal precedence

I tell you that corporation's a pure menace

that threatens all of the Earth's residents

So if it pleases the court

I'll submit my report

In a little Latin legal argument I like to call "Bullshiticus,

uninterrupticus"

 

And in professional legal circles this will be known forever hence 

as the Brian Kenney Fresno Esquire Birthday Defense 

that's right the Birthday Defense, the Brian Kenney Fresno Birthday Defense 

So retain Brian Kenny Fresno when innocence is expectance 

cause the logic of the birthday defense defies terms of acceptance 

 

Because your honor, it was her birthday, and I move the whole case be

dismissed 

Whatever transgression transpired that day my client is exempt from the law

I must insist! 

We can't take these charges seriously and if you do I promise to appeal 

The Supreme Court's stacked against you and the DAs office has shown an

overreaching overarching prosecutorial zeal 

Because your honor it was her birthday. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Murdering Monsanto

 

"No revolutionary movement is complete without its poetical expression. If

such a movement has caught hold of the imagination of the masses they will

seek a vent in song for the aspirations, the fears and the hopes, the loves

and the hatreds engendered by the struggle. Until the movement is marked by

the joyous, defiant, singing of revolutionary songs, it lacks one of the

most distinctive marks of a popular revolutionary movement, it is the dogma

of a few, and not the faith of the multitude."

 

James Connolly

 

" I am not printing the words at the advice of my legal dapartment. There

are no nasty words in it, and it CAN be played on the radio"

 

Brian Kenney Fresno 

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Gas Station Aphrodisiac

 

You were in that red convertible when I saw you on the highway 

You and your other girlfriends were smiling and looking my way 

With a lustful hungry stare and the wind blowing in your hair 

you all looked like Hawaiian Tropics models 

 

It was the stunning four of you 

And the cunning one of me 

you started changing out of your bikini 

giving me a slow show for free 

and the other three started kissing and waved me down to that lonely beach 

So glad I planned so hard ahead, when I opened up my glovey to reach for my

 

Gas station aphrodisiac 

make my Pinto handle like a Cadillac 

gas station aphrodisiac 

sure hope I don't have no stroke or heart attack 

 

Oh sure you can buy anything off the Internet, but when medical knowledge is

a must 

I always ask my gas station attendant which penis pills to trust 

Cause the man knows from experience, it's what he selling all day long 

it's an endless stream of customers all shopping for a super schlong

Oh come on now, who doesn't love one? ...Except of course lesbians, 

half the men in prison, 

and schoolboys up in front of the class 

 

My pulse starts to quicken as my shaft starts to thicken 

We'll find happiness and mirth 

at the expansion of my girth 

We'll find peace and inner strength 

With the extension of my length 

you're gonna love the lack of slumber 

in my turgid flesh cucumber 

Hung like a pawn- swing like a king- my operatic princess I promise you'll

sing 

And I'll be all.... 

 

And we'll do it banjo style, etc..

 

Gas station aphrodisiac 

make my Pinto handle like a Cadillac 

gas station aphrodisiac 

sure hope I don't have no stroke or heart attack 

-----------------------------------------

Dick Hands

 

Dick hands, asshole fingers 

you don't wash your hands bacteria lingers 

Personal hygiene's got no hope when your soap dispenser ain't got no soap 

 

Well it looks like you ain't seen the shit in months, possibly years 

and I swear I'm not some germaphobe, but that screams to my worst fears 

Go check out modern germ theory dude, come join the 21st-century 

You got a long time to do it, or it'll just catch up with you eventually,

like the 

 

Hands of 1000 penises 

fingers that wiped 100 bowel movements 

laid upon the levers of the abandoned soap dispenser 

under the empty rack of paper towels, needs improvements

 

Hot water handles that haven't had heat since the 70s 

leak in the punctured drywall with mold and other amenities 

while you're lame attempts at wiping your hands off on your shirt 

leave you feeling like those germs are inert 

and you're smearing stuff on the doorknob, you're not thinking about the

next slob

Who's next to come along but it was actually you!

 

Cause the last guy before you flushed the urinal with his shoe 

knowing it's the safest and rudest thing that all guys do 

and we think nobody knows it so we don't bother to wash our hands

Cause we think we know where our junks been, but the junks still in your

hand

 

And now you're feeling so sly not the least bit shy 

wiping your jeans as you walk on by 

all the girls standing in the line for the bathroom who totally know what's

up and think you're gross 

And you're all "hey honey how's it going", 

as legions of bacteria scouts go boing 

from your filthy hand to some sweet young thing as you're quietly quickly

infecting her 

Cause the sickness needs what you're laziness breeds 

isn't she oh-so-lucky you're selecting her?

 

For the pathogen from the last lazy bar room bathroom bastard who thought

like you do and your voodoo guru 

who says "no worries its all good" , but it's simply not true when you ran

your shoe through poo stew. 

 

No you didn't want to put your hand to the handle so you used your foot from

the floor 

Didn't want to touch something disgusting so you made it way way more 

And the poor bastard who holds the handle shakes your hand outside anyway 

His grubby mittens grabbing everything along the way 

with his dick hands asshole fingers 

you don't wash your hands, bacteria lingers 

personal hygiene's got no hope when your soap dispenser ain't got no soap 

Hands of 1000 penises...

-----------------------------

Moment

 

From the moment that I saw you 

I remembered I forgot to masturbate, 

but there we were in public 

so it seemed like it was just too late 

 

I so wish you hadn't worn that 

that tiny top and skimpy little skirt 

you're so nasty and painfully sexy 

that I need some solo time to squirt 

 

Uhere's your restroom do I need a key? 

Something's taken over me 

suddenly as horny as I can be 

It's desperately time for number three 

 

Temptations taunt a taken man 

Some things you shouldn't just cause you can 

Penis, he don't understand 

demands a party in my hand

--------------------------------

Los Banos

 

No no Los Banos-no no I'm never going to drive through Los Banos again. 

 

State Route 99 North to 152, when I'd leave Fresno that's what I'd do 

when I hit the highway to play the San Francisco Bay area

 

Well Los Banos is a town just before I5 

that ruins and otherwise beautiful drive 

The name means the bathroom and it smells just like it 

the moment you arrive 

It's the definition of destitute 

and the home of the four dollar prostitute 

but it was the Walmart red light situation that set me off one day 

So I rediscovered the heaven 

of the "smugglers route", Avenue Seven 

and I'm never gonna drive through Los Banos again 

 

No no Los Banos, no no Los Banos 

no no I'm never gonna drive through Los Banos again 

 

I can cruise from my house to I5 in just under an hour 

as I sail across oceans of space in agricultural flower 

It's where the unlicensed drunk migrant drivers keep you on your toes 

yellow lines and stupid stop signs are suggestions anything goes 

It puts the capital W in Wild Wild West 

if you like it lawless it's the best 

day and night for putting your ride to the test 

But you still gotta watch out for those pesky CHP's...

otherwise drivers you please, but

 

Slow down, drink it in and stare in awe 

at the slow-paced life in Firebaugh 

Two stop signs and a light or two 

a gas station, burgers, a taco place that's new 

Never gonna trust the roach coaches out along the highway..

 

Now Los Banos has become too large to remain so useless 

though it's now a bedroom community to the bay 

It's blowin up like Tracy and the hills outside of Livermore 

in a rush to be is ruined as LA 

It's the most productive land being sacrificed to sprawl 

it's another family farm to fall for some god forsaken mall 

it's another rich white developer getting filthier richer from it all 

and I'm never gonna drive through Los Banos again 

 

No no Los Banos- no no Los Banos- no no I'm never gonna drive through Los

Banos again.

 

Never gonna trust the roach coaches out along the highway.

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